The Road To Indianapolis: Week 3 and an Intimate Conversation with Tom Brady

Due to the incredibly popular first two installments of my Road to Indianapolis series the commissioner of the NFL has given me the incredible opportunity to interview any player or coach I wish for the remainder of the season. I decided I would make my first interview with the face of the NFL today…Tom Brady.

RS: That was a tough loss today.

TB: Yup. Buffalo is a good team and really came to play.

RS: It must be especially tough considering you had a really good game besides the 4 picks.

TB: Well as I always say, “You win most, you lose occasionally.”

RS: Wait…do you mean, “You win some, you lose some?”

TB: I’m not familiar with that version of it. Is that a Midwestern thing?

RS: I don’t think so. It’s about balance. It’s taking into account that most people have a relatively equal amount of wins and losses in their lives.

TG: [looks confused]

RS: So you say your version of that phrase a lot?

TB: Well….between 4 or 5 times a year.

RS: So only for football really?

TB: Not exclusively. I don’t want you to think that my whole life is peaches and cream outside of football. Remember that song?

RS: Uhhhh…

TB: The 112 song?

RS: I guess.

TB: Man that song is my jam.

RS: That’s….OK whatever. Let’s get back on topic.

TB: Right, so when I was attempting to drive my supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen, who was pregnant with a baby that I put in her via sexual intercourse to the hospital, I couldn’t find the keys to the Jag….I had to take the Bentley instead. Isn’t that a kick in the pants?

RS: That must have been very hard for you.

TB: Oh it definitely was. The Jag is such a smoother ride, and Gisele’s preferred mode of transport. Considering she was about to give birth to our beautiful baby boy, that I put into her womb sexually…did I mention that?

RS: [Nods]

TB: Well I obviously wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. When you get a girl like that, you know you want to keep her happy.

RS: Well liking Peaches and Cream as much as you do can’t hurt.

TB: Now you are feeling me…have you been with a supermodel?

RS: Like in the same room or….[makes awkward hand motions referring to sex]

TB: I think you know.

RS: No…but I got a hand job from a hand model once.

TB: That’s interesting.

RS: That was a joke.

TB: Sure it was. Well, I guess there’s only so many supermodels in the world. There are however, many excellent cars out there. Which do you drive? A BMW? A Lexus?

RS: A Toyota Corolla…that I lease.

TB: [laughs] I think I’m starting to get your humor a bit now.

RS: That actually wasn’t a joke.

TB: Oh…well maybe you can some day make some money off this blogging thing or whatever it is you do. Maybe you’ll set a bunch of blogging records, win multiple awards, and competitions within the writing community. Then you might get a supermodel wife and a great car like me…

RS: Yeah, and maybe I’ll come close to being the first person to write the perfect blog and then screw it up in the last paragraph in small part because my of nemesis’ little brother.

TB: [long stare]

RS: I’ll see myself out.

Ryan Stuckey’s mommy wouldn’t let him play football as a child. His vast knowledge of the game has come from the movie Little Giants and playing various years of Madden video games.

I hope no one thought this was real.

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One response to this post.

  1. Tom Brady’s way more interesting than I ever thought possible. Kinda got this unpredictability that I find refreshing in professional athletics. Thanks for shedding light on his inner vulnerability, Ryan.

    Reply

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