The Road to Indianapolis: Pros and Cons for the NFC South

The NFC South is arguably my least seen division in football this year (excluding the Saints), but if you think that will make me any less loud and obnoxious about my opinions of them then you are wrong.

New Orleans Saints

Your offense can keep you in any game – with a top 3 quarterbacks, a tight end that was inferior at basketball, at least 3 above-average wide receivers, and that fast little bastard Darren Sproles.
Dangerous on special teams – see above fast bastard
You are nearly unbeatable on turf – which means if you get the #2 seed you are probably on the fast track to the NFC Championship

Your defense can keep any other team in the game
– except the Colts of course
Highly inconsistent away from home – I don’t know if it’s because your players are babies that only like to play indoors with your fans, but the fact remains that you lost to St. Louis and Tampa Bay at their fields (and they are both terrible).

Atlanta Falcons

You’ve lost only one game to a team you definitely should have beat
– Tampa Bay Suckaneers (in case you didn’t laugh you should know how hilarious that was….very). Otherwise you’ve been beaten by Chicago (back when they were good), Green Bay, New Orleans, Houston (despite them starting T.J. Yates they still have a great defense and Arian Foster)
You are good enough to make the playoffs – The wild card is so wide open that Roddy White, Michael Turner, Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, and Julio Jones could very well be good enough to drag you into the playoffs to get annihilated by the Cowboys, Giants, 49ers, or Saints.

Underachieving and inconsistent
– On paper your team seems better than it’s 7-5 record. In all fairness you have a decent chance to either win out or take 3 of your last 4 games:  @Carolina (high scoring but you should win), Jacksonville (should be easy), @New Orleans (chance to prove yourself and gain momentum for potential playoff push), Tampa Bay (have to win). This would propel your record to where I, for whatever reason, think it should be.
You haven’t beaten anyone good –  Besides the Eagles before they lost all confidence and realized they were crap and the pre-meltdown Lions all your wins are against teams that are obviously inferior to you. In other words, if you make the playoffs smart money is against you.

Carolina Panthers

I could not possibly be more on Cammy Neutron’s bandwagon. He is probably the most electrifying and fun player to watch in the NFL. He’s got a cannon for an arm and nearly unmatched athleticism for his position. It’s like watching the old pre-dog killer Mike Vick again. As long as Cam Newton doesn’t molest or kill animals or people he will be one of my favorite non-49ers in the league for awhile.
Steve Smith resurgence – All it took was the injection of the young phenom CAM NEWTON! (and him not breaking his arm or punching his own teammates in the face)

Worst.Defense.Ever – It’s so bad I had to do the cliched period between every word bullshit that started after the comic book guy from the Simpsons said “”. You gave up 49 points to the Lions (7 touchdowns…terrible) and you tried like hell to let the Colts get their first win (end zone pick when Colts were knocking at the door on their final drive). Luckily you’ll have a relatively high pick and can go after some stud young defender.
Lost by 1 score to Green Bay and New Orleans – This should be a positive since you are rebuilding, but winning either of these games would have been huge in this season. At least you get to play New Orleans again, and if they happen to still be playing their starters (last game of the season) it can be that huge win they deserve. Since it will essentially be their Super Bowl, I predict a Panthers win.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

You miraculously won 4 games – you beat New Orleans and Atlanta at home which means at least you could get up for your fans in a division game
You have a good player – although since he (Gerald McCoy) got hurt you are currently fielding none.

Josh Freeman and LaGarrette Blount could not have regressed more – two upstart darlings from last season have done nothing of merit this entire season (and I should know because I drafted both in multiple fantasy football leagues). You guys owe me $110.
Second.Worst.Defense.Ever – Hell it might even be first. They gave up 48 points to the 49ers (a team who hasn’t exactly lit anyone else up on offense).
I hate you – I came in this season thinking you guys were locks for the playoffs and that numerous players would have career years. I’ve never been so wrong in my life, and I was convinced the Colts would beat the Saints earlier this season (or at least cover). I hope you jerks get scurvy.

Ryan Stuckey is a guy who writes about football even though he never played. He did however play soccer which many people around the world call futball and that is almost spelled the exact same way.

That Falcon’s picture is one of the nerdiest references I’ve ever made (FALCON PUNCH!)

Cam Newton is great.

Josh Freeman and LaGarrette Blount are not….jerks


One response to this post.

  1. Schmeeeeeeeeee!!!!


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